Tuesday, November 28, 2006;
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Bonar's family is here.... and i just got a massage because they heard that i had a bad back...
It hurtsssssssssssssssssssss so bad........
and aparantly my calves, and feet would be swollen and bruised tomorrow.
So I've got blockages in my blood vessel... and aparantly it looks like a huge stone in my vessel. Lets see what I look like tomorrow... we'll see if i can go to the gym as well...
Alright... i'm going off to bed.....
rambled at
11:24 PMY
Monday, November 27, 2006;
sigh... it took so bloody long to load blogger so i could blog and vent before i went to bed...
Just one of the ways i deal with things i suppose...
the back n neck is so munted and out of place that i've been in agony. Can't wait to go to the chiro on Tuesday...
hopefully i can sleep tonight... last nite was a torture.... and because of my back, ive had a headache thats bugging me...
I am so over essays... and the fact that i've had to redo two... is like.............. *rolls eyes*
in more news... i smashed my fourth toe on my left foot while trying to vacuum my room. I had a rissole for dinner at 5pm, am hungry now but at the same time feeling nauseous... Wait a minute... how the hell does that work?
Also... from tomorrow onwards, i have 9 people living at my place...
And... i'm going on a diet because i dont want to look fat in the grad photos and the upcoming holiday photos...
umm... and............. for the first time since I had my car... which is like...............................almost 2 yrs, I WALKED TO THE SUPERMARKET TODAY TO GET GROCERIES!!! gahhh.... lazy arse... oh well i'm going to have to try n make it a point to do that more often...
I am so looking forward to the 3hr spa n massage in Byron bay in January.... but it seems so........... freakin far away... in between then, theres still a whole lot of marking, christmas production n.............. oh gosh... who knows what else will come my way...
Hmmm its 1am, ive just heard the gate close... which means the delivery of marks from Bronwyn.... woohoo! sarah will be happy....
ah well... at least someone is...
Oh i hope i can survive the next few weeks.... God help me...
If u think this entry is incomprehensible... its fine... its just like the essay!
rambled at
12:56 AMY
sigh... it took so bloody long to load blogger so i could blog and vent before i went to bed...
Just one of the ways i deal with things i suppose...
the back n neck is so munted and out of place that i've been in agony. Can't wait to go to the chiro on Tuesday...
hopefully i can sleep tonight... last nite was a torture.... and because of my back, ive had a headache thats bugging me...
I am so over essays... and the fact that i've had to redo two... is like.............. *rolls eyes*
in more news... i smashed my fourth toe on my left foot while trying to vacuum my room. I had a rissole for dinner at 5pm, am hungry now but at the same time feeling nauseous... Wait a minute... how the hell does that work?
Also... from tomorrow onwards, i have 9 people living at my place...
And... i'm going on a diet because i dont want to look fat in the grad photos and the upcoming holiday photos...
umm... and............. for the first time since I had my car... which is like...............................almost 2 yrs, I WALKED TO THE SUPERMARKET TODAY TO GET GROCERIES!!! gahhh.... lazy arse... oh well i'm going to have to try n make it a point to do that more often...
I am so looking forward to the 3hr spa n massage in Byron bay in January.... but it seems so........... freakin far away... in between then, theres still a whole lot of marking, christmas production n.............. oh gosh... who knows what else will come my way...
Hmmm its 1am, ive just heard the gate close... which means the delivery of marks from Bronwyn.... woohoo! sarah will be happy....
ah well... at least someone is...
Oh i hope i can survive the next few weeks.... God help me...
If u think this entry is incomprehensible... its fine... its just like the essay!
rambled at
12:56 AMY
Sunday, November 26, 2006;
I guess early nites and me just don't go hand in hand... been back for a while but still up in front of the computer...
woohoo!!! new blogskins...
I think after the marking and grad, i will do my own as a form of relaxation...
It is so flippin hot today i washed my hair twice... spent a whole day with Emma in the city...
We went shopping and i got me a new dress for graduation...
:( ok i admit... i paid $230 for it.. a little pricey and more than what i would normally pay... but i felt really comfy in it... and i can wear it to different occassions... not too dressy, not too casual... and brilliant for night out with the gals... And i guess its a reward for the hardwork this year...
next i just need to get a pair of shoes and i'm all set for grad ceremony and the dinner...
The dress is not something i would have normally picked but I actually really like it... so... :)
We got back to the northern beaches, both had a shower n then met her at hers to get dinner at Wok Bar before we went to watch the Actors night... were going to hang out at the beach cos we still had a bit of time but it kinda got windy and we ended up going back to her place for 30mins...
hillarious to the point i laughed so much i could hardly breathe and at one stage thought i had to use my ventolin...
Great day... mission accomplished... Happy Michelle but not so happy wallet...
Ah well...
Thanx Emma for the day! we need to do this again... maybe without spending so much... hahaha
Josh, Thanx for lending me Emma! hehehe
Oh wait... u're in Singapore enjoying yourself with the rest of the team...
rambled at
12:40 AMY
Thursday, November 23, 2006;
SHIVERS....
I handed in the last assignment today... and had my last class...
relieved yes... but not very happy 'cos it's dawned upon me that it will be awhile till i study again...
Everytime I go to the city to visit the State Library to do my essays and at the same time watch a countdown of the essays i have to do... i get more and more excited...
But as i reach the end... i feel a sense of.....loss...
Almost 19years of study...
What will I do next year?
What will I do with myself?
Sure I prolly will keep myself busy with work, but it's not going to be the same... hopefully it will all be for the better... and hopefully i won't regret making the choice of takin 2 years off before doing the Masters...
17 essays i've done this year... a total of round about 50 000 words...
At the same time hold a number of job positions and organize the thailand gig, as well as attend classes...
Now question is... have I made a difference to lives of anyone? Anyone at all? Well I hope so... I don't know... hopefully i've done something right...
Well the busy period does not stop just yet...
next comes the marking of students works...then graduation and grad dinner, preparation for Christmas and New Year...
Hopefully I graduate... nerve-wrecking....
Oh well we'll see what happens...
In the mean time..........early night for me...
rambled at
10:25 PMY
Thursday, November 16, 2006;
Crap... once again, time is against me...
Can i have 48hours in a day?
PlS?
rambled at
6:13 PMY
Thursday, November 09, 2006;
So... tell me... what happened to the strong and courageous person that you were?
The foggy road that's up ahead
looks too dangerous
makes one wonder
and be so afraid
now who would have thought
through that smiling face
had cuts and wounds so deep
words would not suffice
the short fuse and sleepless nights
the lack of energy and brainless life
Majority's gone but the little that's left
is trying so hard to be revived
Could tiredness take the courage out of someone
or was it life that took it away?
Paranoia, Isolation, Fear, Rejection
This vicious cycle might have found its place
rambled at
10:10 PMY
Thursday, November 02, 2006;
Am I confused, or am i confused...
I don't know anymore...
Am i cut out for this...
Maybe...
who ever said it was going to be easy... If someone did, run them over, pour lemon juice over them, sprinkle a whole carton of salt and... I don't know...
It never was from day one...
Should I walk away?
Can I try and take it by the horns and start wrestling...
If I do, will I have the strength to follow through...
If I don't, will I regret 20years down the track...
Should I walk away?
Should I walk away?
Should I walk away?
I should be tougher than this?
I thought I was...
I've been told not to let anyone despise my youth...
but circumstances present itself as too difficult...
Money...
Dreams...
Trust...
Boundaries.... Where the hell does boundaries start and end?
Friends? or Acquaintance?
Crap i cant write...
Masters?
Dreams?
Drive?
Trust...
Trust...
Trust...
Trust...
Trust...
Trust...
Trust...
What do you do when you do not know anymore???
Let it slip through your fingers?
Grasp it?
Stay tough?
Be weak and walk away?
Smile to the rest of the world, put on the brave face and hope one day it will pass?
Shut your trap?
Be vocal?
Trust...
Is this coherant? Not??? never mind...
Trust...
Fish for dinner... Fish that has been in the fridge for the last week... semi-frozen...
Chocolate... Its supposed to make you feel better... Is it???
Cocktails...
No not cocktail sausages u blitherin idiot...
Is friggin a bad word?
Pile of poo... Elephant poo?
Half a tonne of elephant poo...
Computers... laptop... speakers... subwoofer...
Phone... mobile phone...
Damn... the research paper might not be good enough...
Good enough? To what and who's standard?
Mine? Yours? History? Society? Government?
Trust...
I said trust...
Who?
you thought you were doing ok... but clearly you thought wrong...
you thought you've achieved quite a bit in your time and it is time to maybe slow down... but is it real or just your own imagination?
What if it was?
All you thought u've accomplished, was only accomplished in your head...
Or worse, maybe you just talk yourself up?
Do you?
Or maybe because you slowed down and things start to show...
Come on... make up your mind...
Stop messing with your own head...
Trust... damnit... i said trust...
Am I confused? Or am i seriously confused?
rambled at
11:35 PMY
