Thursday, July 19, 2007;
Hm I haven't written in a while, and rightfully so... the times that I have spent not working, I'm trying to catch up on sleep... Last week, I managed to clock 87hrs in 6days... This week hasnt been as hectic... so far clocking 59hrs in 5 days...
So far still standing and walking... As long as I keep walking, I'll be right...
I'm currently sitting here in the control room on edit suite 2, and putting Edit Suite 1 and the stack in slavery... I feel kinda funny being in my painting clothes, hoping that tonight, the cleaners won't come in... I've just had to paint the green screen for tomorrow's shoot for the weekend's conference....
The Big boss came in today... and it seems like everytime he walks in, I have food with me... The students were all having KFC and I had 2 wicked wings on a plate... so naturally I offered... and he hesitated... saying: Surely this is no good for anyone... but he still took one anyway.. hahaa I think he was rather happy seeing so much activity here in the studio with the students around, helping out with work...
As of yesterday (Wednesday - 18th July 07), I am an official student of the Masters of Film and Digital Image course of Uni of Syd... Classes start Tuesday and I was telling a few people today, I had a very big sense yesterday of the fact that this course would be opening up many doors for me in the future...
Also, just walking around in the campus gave me such a buzz and excitement that I felt like I was in a dream, in a fantasy land... The surroundings and atmosphere, a major contrast to where I've spent my last 4 years... Both being a good thing... Without the last 4 years, I wouldn't be where I am today... and without today, I won't be where I will be in the future...
Sometimes I wish certain people could just catch up with where I am with certain things... it's starting to frustrate me... but I just have to remind myself that people are different and sometimes, people take longer than others to catch on to what one's doing or thinking...
One day, I might actually get so frustrated that I'll just lay it out on the table, be generous with my thoughts and not hold back... and if they take it, they take it, if not, too bad for them...
Currently Listening to: Better together - Jack Johnson
rambled at
11:51 PMY
Tuesday, July 10, 2007;
seriously... i don't want to be the person that says no all the time...
It seems like at the moment, that's all I'm saying to people with requests...
Don't want to be seen as the pessimist...
But I don't want to run myself down into the ground...
Can I handle this pressure?
Am I bigger than this?
Will I stand and have the strength to keep walking?
Is there a light at the end of this tunnel?
Are these shoulders too small? Am I too young? Am I not experienced enough?
I've just had my first break since 8.45am this morning...
meetings after meetings... and now i finally get to sit down and have a meal... a frozen meal at that... curry that is not at all spicy... rice that was frozen n thawed...
No once again, this is not a pity party.... i just needed somewhere to rant and rave... there's no one else here in the office... J's out somewhere watching a movie... K's sick... C's on holidays... I've been on the phone with N and it kinda settled me down a bit... not as stressed as I was prior to the conversation...
I wrote a to do list this morning at 2+am... and so far, out of 36 items, I have accomplished 12... the rest needs to be done by the end of this week.... and.... Its only Tuesday... the list is bound to grow as the week progresses, not to mention the Conference stuff that needs to happpen...
The next 2 weeks look crazy and immediately after, I start Uni...
But maybe the pain is worth it...
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3rd Grand Aunt passed away this morning...
Yes I feel sad... because she was nice to me... times like these make me wish I could be back in Singapore and have a bit of a breathing space to grieve... as much as you like to deny... whenever someone u know passes away, you feel a sense of grieve...
But today I haven't given myself the chance to stop... and think... But now that as I'm writing this, I've slowed down and realize how much a death could affect a person, even if you haven't spent loads of time together...
I know 3rd Grand Aunt always asked about me... and i think she worried about me being far away alone... and it makes me even more sad... knowing that I cannot say goodbye face to face...
I now urge all of you readers... appreciate the people around you... don't wait till its too late... life can be so vulnerable... tell those u care that you care... verbal or non verbal, make the effort... because if its too late, you cannot turn back time...
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To end on a lighter note before I get straight into work.... its nice to be told that someone actually cares...
rambled at
8:59 PMY
A new and very timely song...
Worthy by Nikki Fletcher
Copyright 2007
Could it be
You're in control now I see
I don't know it all
But if you stripped it all away
I'd still be able to say
You are God
None can compare you're the one
Gave us our breathe
And in your shadow I will wait
To hear your voice and know your ways
Glory
All that has breathe give him glory
Lift up our god who is always
Beginning and end you are
Let the earth sing
We lift up our hands and exalt thee
Redeemer of all you have mercy
above all be glorified
Worthy
You alone are worthy
You alone are holy
You alone are God
Yeap I don't understand everything now... but it's all ok...
Just need to keep walking and stay standing...
rambled at
1:39 AMY
Wednesday, July 04, 2007;
How very true....
| Your Five Factor Personality Profile |
Extroversion:
You have medium extroversion.
You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."
Conscientiousness:
You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.
Agreeableness:
You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.
Neuroticism:
You have high neuroticism.
It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed.
You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully.
You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low.
Openness to experience:
Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything. |
rambled at
12:00 AMY
Monday, July 02, 2007;
the moment of truth has arrived... I've lived alone for the last week and so far I am enjoying it... I like how things stay where I've left them... and I've had my first house guest..
But today... just 30mins ago... i suddenly felt this overwhelming sense of helplessness and maybe a little of loneliness... Not so much in the home environment... but at work...
Micah's left the job for good... and Anita, my housemate of 3 yrs, is leaving tomorrow for good... Another time of transition for me, and I hope I'll cope... its just too many things piled up together, and people all leaving at the same time... in 4 days, Bonar leaves for good too...
No I'm not depressed... just a little overwhelmed and a little emotional...
I never thought I'd admit it... feels like something's been ripped out... a little like I've been left in the lurch...
What did it for me was walking in the cold, dark foyer... when it was only 5pm... and there was no one else around, not a sound or a being... I thought keeping busy will stop me from going there... and I haven't done much to keep my plates full... its just FULL all on its own....
but I can't stay in this state... i have to move on... there's too much work to do... many changes to make... broken things to be fixed... people to look after... a burden to carry... a studio to run... TV programmes to be made... emails to answer...
Surely I have enough strength to get through... surely I won't crumble and fall...
rambled at
6:11 PMY
