Friday, March 30, 2007;
Have I stepped onto the wrong path?
Why is it that when you try and please someone and meet their expectations, people say things... and yet when you make it a point not to run after and live up to people's expectations but do things in such a way suits you, people still say things?
Have I just wasted all my time, energy and life, or have i actually made a difference in the lives of anyone? What kind of legacy will I leave? Will I die and not matter at all?
Theres like 36 weeks till the end of the week... have I done anything right at all in the last few months? Or have I just been a waste of space, a waste of time.
I thought that battle had been finished... I thought there was a forward movement. But has all this just been a side step? A denial? A distraction?
Good enough...
Companionship? Trust? Servanthood? Leadership?
Responsibility? Wisdom? Patience? Strong-will?
Commitment? Accountability? Humility? Forgiveness?
Maybe not...
Isolation. Anger. Dissapointment, from self to self and to others, from others to self. Fakeness. Regret. Stupidity. Rashness. Weakling. Coward. Shallowness.
Why do we humans take things for granted?
Is there strength to keep going? Or does the road seem too dark and too long?
Why can't I just have 48hrs a day?
Define success. Define happiness.
rambled at
10:19 PMY
Wednesday, March 28, 2007;
argh
I hate it when the nose becomes a tap, leaking and wasting fluid... and yet at the same time, stuffed like a seriously clogged up sewerage system...
rambled at
8:51 PMY
Monday, March 19, 2007;
I think i might have found myself a new skill to add to my resume:
ASIAN HAGGLING SKILLS
hahaha
I got myself a camera today... n i haggled at JB Hi-Fi and got $150 off the price :)
This camera's cool and I have been thinkin about it for almost a year now... and seeing that I will need it for the trip I decided it was time... Waterproof 10m and Shockproof 1.5m high... which means if I'm the user and I accidentally drop it, it doesn't matter because i'm not even 1.5! whahahaha
oh well... just thought i'd quickly blog... so much for not working late tonight!
I must say i'm impressed with my recent creative skills. Seems like in the past week i've been churning out quite a bit of creative material... It's a good thing and may it not stop there! :)
rambled at
8:52 PMY
Sunday, March 18, 2007;
Hmm... if you could remember, i mentioned last year in one of my blogs about a big film shoot at work... and as I am typing out this entry, the entire film is playing in front of my eyes on national television. Joanne Lees: Murder in the Outback...
I shall take a look to see if CCTV or my name's even on the credits... my guess is not.. but hey :)
One day... one day I shall have my name on credits on national tele, then the cinema....
Who says dreaming is wrong? :)
At the rate i'm going with the short film scripts and ideas, i reckon I might have a shot....
Found another short film festival today that I could enter in... the prize isn't too bad.... local festival... but that's a start :)
So goal for this year as a company was to enter 2 short film fest... Looks like we might actually outdo ourselves.... 3! :)
Oh i'm so excited about the future :)
rambled at
9:44 PMY
i have officially finished 2 short film scripts in a day...
not too bad of an effort if i could say so myself...
Marc's now in the army... i wonder how he is? I hope he's doing fine... n i hope he remembers all the things i told him on the phone...
sigh.... i'm tired now after all that use of the brain juice.. think i might actually go to bed and recharge. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow.
rambled at
12:07 AMY
Saturday, March 17, 2007;
Oh i love it when I do not have writer's block.....
I've finished 1 short film script in 3 hours....
Not too bad... :)
Attempting to finish another one by tonight.
rambled at
5:13 PMY
Monday, March 12, 2007;
The Journey
by me...
Walking alone,
in this dark alleyway
With nothing on his back
except memories to help stay sane.
A journey so long
that only he could walk for his own,
not with a friend, nor a mentor,
just so that he could grow.
Despite the pain, the tears and sweat,
the loss of friendships and all his regrets.
He remembers the times when he's used his voice.
One others longed, but never the guts to say it strong.
Each step he takes,
he reminds himself,
that as long as he moves,
the nearer his regain.
Answerable to God
and only to himself
He knows that only he
would know if he's done well.
rambled at
7:18 PMY
Saturday, March 10, 2007;
It's 1.15am n i'm still awake...
this week's been a long week... late nights, long days, but all shall be well...
As usual, the stress levels are still at an all time high... but the good news is... i have booked myself a holiday... one that I reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllly realllllllyyyy need...
Will be going to Gold Coast for 6 days... with Kathryn....
Flights were cheap $145 inclusive of taxes, return!
its been awhile since I've been to the Theme Parks...
I'm looking forward.... just 6 weeks to go.....
Oh here's my faith statement..... This weekend my irritating back problem shall be healed! Have had enough...... I want my freedom back...
Theo Wolmerans is comin and Ive been preparing.....
Ok... to those who think I might be crazy and don't quite understand what I am saying, it's ok...
AS LONG AS I MYSELF UNDERSTAND...
call it positive thinking if you must... :)
I'm not a freak... :)
Just a few hours ago I had the entire screen production faculty over for dinner and a movie... it was good...
we had flied lice, flied noodol, chinken with brack bean sauce...... bak choy... and apple crumble...
then we watched Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind..... Brilliant Movie.... Tripy but says quite a lot... I think everyone enjoyed themselves.....
anyhow maybe i should go off now, seeing that my eyes are starting to get tired...... catch the sleep wave while its around... :)
Till laterz... for good news....
rambled at
1:17 AMY
Sunday, March 04, 2007;
hm ok Work's been crazy.... we also had orientation camp for the students which went really well... I had my plans for red-faces night and it worked beautifully... Interesting fact, Mint/Listerine causes a wasabi burn to be less painful and teary... I thought Mint would make it worse... but I was wrong indeed... The Wasabi filled Chocolate Mint ice-cream that 2 people had to eat did not have such a bad outcome... although... the reactions were pretty darn hilarious.... Hilarious to those who were aware of what was in it... much to the disgust and hatred of the rest who had no idea.... People thought Bonar n I were big meanies... in fact, what they did not realize was that Anita was a good actress when eating Jelly Fish... and so was Kelly n Mike, who had to eat Chicken Feet and Preserved Mandarin Peel... Tim had to eat Petai.. RAW... hahaha
Anita thought there was going to be Wasabi in Tim's ice-cream but what she did not know was that Bonar n I had turned the tables on her and put lots of wasabi in hers too...
anyhow... I just came back from the city... went to take a look at the Mardi Gras (the Gays n Lesbians) parade... Why you would ask me... Curiosity would be my reply... plus it's Bonar n Anita's last year in Sydney and they wanted to go because they were there last year but did not get a good look. We stood at the very front of the barricades from 5pm till about 10pm..
No judgement towards them... but what I saw, was many people, lost, confused and hurting... and some just being rebelious for the sake of making a point... one thing that struck me most was that they looked like they took more care of their own bodies in comparison to us... and they had a whole lot more of self-esteem that us too... either that or they were hiding behind a facade...
Yes... i know that there might be a few of you reading that belong to the same community... I just want you to know that you are not being judged... in fact, my ears are open for whenever you need them... I might not be able to solve problems, but what i can do is listen... and let you know that someone cares...
Hmm ok its late now... I'm tired and should actually go to bed. Will continue with part 2 of my packing tomorrow... Have started packing n throwing things out for when I have to move in June... Learning how to be ruthless n throwing out the htings that are not needed... I CANNOT BE A HORDER... I CANNOT BE A HORDER... I CANNOT BE A HORDER...
rambled at
12:34 AMY
